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A look over my shoulder

The music swirled in my head and the paintbrush swooped about on the large canvas as questions tugged at my heart.  In “Steadily Skipping Stones”, a wonderful blog I love to follow, Michelle asks when is a choice a leap of faith and when is it a betrayal of self.  I think I’ve got that right.  Well, exactly.  As I mentioned in my last post, I’ve carried the dream of returning to the Pacific Northwest for all of my adult life, just waiting for the right moment to go.  Now I find that it is much changed.  So have I, in my years here.  So I waffle like crazy.  One day it is the coast or bust, the next it’s hunker down and watch the oaks grow.  I must not be the only one wrestling with such things because in my art magazine there is a posting for a competition~ the subject being, how does the landscape of memory shape current reality and future choice.  So, here is the landscape of my memory.

And here is a peek at my garden wearing a fresh cloak of snow…

The one is kinda wild, isn’t it?  It is a big, mysterious land out there.  The garden, on the other hand, is kind of peaceful.  Sweet.  Small.

4 thoughts on “A look over my shoulder

  1. It does tug at the heart when we come back and see that places and people have changed while we’ve been away… Even though we are aware that we’re changing we still find it surprising. My childhood home is an hour north of where I live now and I still feel startled when I drive down the familiar road to my parents’ house and nothing seems the same.

    1. Hi Barbara, Yes, isn’t it a shock? It is hard to come to terms with change when you don’t think of it coming.


  2. You’re so sweet! I didn’t put it nearly as eloquently as that. But I love to see how people interpret what we’re putting out there.

    I was thinking about resolutions when I wrote that, but your perspective really makes me take that question deeper for myself. I feel the feelings you described all the time, that conflict of choices. Especially when I was really trying to move back into “the city”. I want so much to be closer to my family and work, etc. But I love where I live and I don’t want to change the scenery. It really is a kind of leap of faith – will satisfying this one need, or one set of needs, destroy another aspect of my life? And do we ever really know who we “are”? You’ve talked about the conflicting needs we feel to be and do so many disparate things. It can be hard to know what is the right thing to do for ourselves.

  3. I have sensed your ambivalence about moving. It can indeed be hard to know what will be right for us. My ex-husband and very dear friend always reminds me that there can be a middle ground, and that choices don’t have to be forever. That calms me down 🙂

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