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So, I’ve been reading a very useful business book~ Your Art is Your Business.  In it the author asks the very reasonable question,  “Are you going where you want to go?”  “Why yes, yes I am”, I thought in reply.  And then I had a major  setback elsewhere in my life and suddenly nothing made any sense at all.  How could I have been so sure I was heading in the right direction when it turned out I was completely NOT?!  Has this happened to you?

Happily, in all the thrashing around I did I settled on the idea of jettisoning one thing at a time and the first thing to go seems to have restored my equilibrium.  I realized that the setback that seemed so huge really is not.  It only seemed that way because I had become so strung out pursuing my business in a direction that wasn’t serving me, all it took was a fairly small bump in the road to send me right over the edge.  If it hadn’t been for that bump, who knows how far in the wrong direction I would have gone before I figured it out?  I must have suspected, though, on some level.

The thing I am cutting is going to be the little shows I’ve been doing.  At first they just seemed perfect.  I get to get out there and meet people and sometimes sell a few small paintings.  More and more have come my way which seemed like a blessing.  Eventually  though, it has dawned on me that I have been putting all of my studio time into painting things I hope will sell at little events and no time at all on big joyous canvases that I most want to do.  I guess at 50 you start thinking about how much time you have left, and consider more carefully how you spend the time you have.

Today was one of the last events that I have committed to.  It was held in a multi-racial community and I just loved it.  There was so much happiness I just couldn’t stop smiling.  Kids of all description were bravely scaling the climbing wall, and live musicians were performing everything from rap to jazz while people danced.  This was a community that Danced!  All day, spontaneously.  It was fabulous.  I had more fun talking with people and laughing and dancing.  Didn’t sell a single painting, though, which confirms to me what I was suspecting… this is the wrong direction for me to go.  Glad I went, though : )

4 thoughts on “Meltdown

  1. It’s hard when something we really want to work out just isn’t working out. I do that too – I keep pushing further because I want it. It can be a little sad and even painful to face the truth, but I’m the long run we’re better off cutting bait. The great thing is that you have that experience and memories to take with you. And you never know how the experience from doing those shows will benefit you in the future!

  2. Sounds like you have a good handle on your future direction. That is so very important so you can approach it with confidence. I hope it works out.

    I like the fritillary on bergemot painting.

  3. It’s exciting to be at a new point in your career! That’s great that your last event turned out positive — even without selling anything. I do know what you mean about thinking your doing something right only to end up doubting yourself. Do that all the time!

  4. Good for you for listening to your heart and making some changes. Your last event does sound like it was a lot of fun, though!

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